It seems to be a growing trend these days for women to stay at home with their kids, but then also do at least some work from home. At first it sounds great-- you get to hang out with your kids at home yet also make some money, without the hassle of daycare or traffic or having to get dressed up for work.
But when you think about it a bit more, this just sounds to me like the worst of all possible options.
Ok, so it's one thing if during the hours that you work you have someone come over to watch your kids. Then you still have set working hours, and your children are being taken care of. However it seems that at least some of the time the idea is to squeeze work time in during naps or other free time, without outside help. I just saw an ad in a magazine for moms to work from home, and the pictures they showed were of moms typing on a computer with their infant on their lap.
Honestly, as a stay at home mom to a 5 month old I have no idea when I'd get any work done. It's all I can do to watch D, take care of him, play with him, etc, and get a bit of free time to play myself while he naps. If I were trying tp get actual work done during those precious free moments... well I'd never get any time to do anything for myself, and my guess is I'd go crazy.
It also feels like this assumption that moms can work from home while caring for their kids implies that taking care of young children is such a breeze,
obviously you have time to work as well! It almost seems like this is an expectation these days-- I go onto a SAHM message board and half the posts are about working from home as well. It again devalues what it means to stay at home, like that if you're going to do that, well, you better do some work on the side so you can still be doing something of
value. And that irks me, because being at home with a child is a full-time job in and of itself and no one should have to justify it to anyone else or feel like she still has to "earn her keep" while doing so.
Trying to work from home while also being a SAHM seems like the worst of both worlds. Part of the benefit of working outside the home is to get some time away from your kids, and around adults, a bit of a break from having to be in constant Mommy Mode. If you're working from home, you're not getting that. And the point of staying at home with your kids is to enjoy them and be able to spend time with them, which is hard to do if you're also worrying about deadlines and trying to get projects done in time. You're doing twice the work, for even less recognition. Why do we set ourselves up for that kind of punishment??
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Because society has never valued the work of raising children, and never will, and instead has fed every woman out there the line that in order to REALLY MATTER, she has to be doing work that she gets PAID for. (Curiously enough, I kind of blame the feminist movement for that little gem...)
You should read Ann Crittenden. I've read The Price of Motherhood, absolutely brilliant, and in confirming the spelling of her name just now I see she has another one out, If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything. It looks interesting.
To place more blame on society (and by society, of course, I am criticizing pretty much everyone, because we are all complicit to a degree), another reason so many women feel obligated to work from home is the drive for materiality, for "success" defined by the sheer volume of "stuff" we possess. This drive means women "have" to work (either really have to, or perceive that they have to) in order to have the income they need to "survive". I use the quotes liberally, because most people can "survive" on a hell of a lot less than they think, if you define survive properly. Believe it or not, you don't need a cell phone, internet or manicure to survive.
My previous boss is working herself to a nervous breakdown while trying to raise two very trying boys with little help from her husband (taking care of the kids is women's work). She works from home part time. She has told me numerous times she wouldn't have to work if they didn't own two boats.
How many of the women on the WAHM boards are exhausting themselves in the pursuit of materiality?
When I worked from home, I did it on a very part-time basis, to supplement my husband's income, to have some money of my own for "fun stuff", and to meet people. I did direct sales ... it was a brilliant thing to do, because it allowed me to achieve those goals without killing myself or taking time away from my kids. But I wasn't making a huge amount of money (less than $500 month, typically more like $250.)
On the other hand, I have a good friend who runs a very successful marketing company from home, working ridiculous hours and sometimes not really "there" for her son. But she'd go stir-crazy without it. She's very driven, very motivated. If she wasn't working from home, she'd be back working for someone else, and this option at least allows her to have some flexibility. She works because she doesn't know how NOT to work. (I can NOT work just fine, thanks!) Interestingly, her sister has criticized her to me for ignoring her family.
And that's at the root of your question: no matter WHAT a woman does, she cannot win. Her choice will always be "wrong" in someone's mind. If you "work," you are ignoring your family. If you "just stay home with the kids", you are lazy. If you try to do both, you will be criticized for short-changing one or the other or both, depending upon the critic of the moment. My suggestion to all women? Do whatever makes YOU feel right, but examine your motivations. If it's to make someone else happy, or because of what other people have said or will think, then make damn sure the sacrifices are worth it.
I worked from home for several months and that kept my daughter home with me and I actually loved it. You do save time by not getting as ready in the morning and can work faster without interuptions.
@kadair - I agree with you 100%, on everything. Unfortunately I guess this post makes me part of that negativity. It's sad to me how women and mothers criticize each other for their decisions, and what I meant by this post is more questioning the motivation and logic for making the choice to work while caring for children at home. But every woman and family should also be free to handle work and childcare how they see fit, as long as it's what works best for them and makes them happy.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Zach is now working from home one day a week, and I do think in many ways it makes him more productive. But he's able to do so b/c the hours that he's working, I'm taking care of Donovan. It wouldn't help much if he'd traded constant interruptions by coworkers with constant interruptions by his son.
Having no experience with this topic, I think the age of the child is a big factor. Working from home when you have school-age children must be a blessing: you're there to get them ready in the morning with out rushing around trying to get yourself ready as well, but once they're out the door you have the place to yourself; your hours are flexible enough so you can attend school events/conferences, etc.; if your child is sick, you can stay home and care for him or her but can probably still get quite a bit of work done since sick kids sleep a lot. Working from home with an infant must be impossible, unless you do have a nanny, as you said, or take the kids to daycare or a mother's morning out program.
It also depends on the kind of at-home work. If you're a Mary Kay or Creative Memories consultant, you can probably do that "easily" even with an infant at home, since most of your events (group facials or scrapbooking workshops) will take place on evenings and weekends, when your husband can be home to take care of the kids. You can probably manage to make a few calls while the kid naps, while still allowing yourself to have time for yourself (which is vital, but a lot of women disregard - that's kind of what Gift From The Sea is about...)
@kadair - I'm sorry - taking care of the kids is "women's work," but the reason she needs to have a second job is to pay for their TWO boats?!?? WHOSE BOATS ARE THEY??? WHO'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE THE SECOND JOB TO PAY FOR THE SECOND BOAT???!!!??!?!?
Good knight.
@ReinaCristina - Exactly... she doesn't even want the boats. I just hold my tongue when she vents to me about things, because her life is so far removed from how I would ever live mine. But I really like her, and really care about her (even though we no longer work together, we keep in touch, and I consider her a good friend.) Sometimes I want to shake her by the shoulders ...
No way I can work at home and spend time with R. They are mutually exclusive activities. The worst way to study for me is when R is awake. She is bored, I am stressed, and she pesters me incessantly.
When you are the parent at home, your job becomes home economist and child-rearer. Those are two full time jobs that are very important.
I like my make up business partially because it gives me something productive to do after the kiddo goes to bed. I found myself watching a ton of TV and movies, feeling pretty useless between 8 and 12. Now that I have studying to do in those hours, my poor clients are surely feeling neglected.
I am one who must be out of the house in the world of adults or I would go crazy. I like kids, kids are great, but I like mine even better when we have our separate time then come back together for hugs, kisses, and together time.
Wow. How did I miss this post originally. I tried to do this a bit this summer, but blah! Of course, I needed to be on the phone to answer questions with the original attempt.
I am fixing to try again, but it will be teaching. We'll see how that goes. I am excited to give it another go. I think, now that Part Deux is less clingy, it will work better.