It seems pregnancy is all around me these days (NO not me, thank god.  I'm quite happy with one kid for now).  One friend recently made her announcement, I have another for whom it's (hopefully) in the works, and this morning I found out that one of my favorite bloggers is also knocked up.  Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

Unfortunately, weeks/months before that, miscarriage seemed to be everywhere.  Various internet acquaintances were letting on to their experiences, and it was heartbreaking to read. 

It's a usually-unquestioned wisdom of pregnancy that you don't share your news until you are out of your first trimester, which is considered the "danger zone."  Those first 12-13 weeks (amazing how much debate still goes into seemingly simple things like pregnancy math... who knew) are when chances of miscarriage are the highest.  Miscarriage is astoundingly common-- it is estimated that 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I've read that every woman has probably 2 miscarriage in her life (though many of these happen before you even knew you were pregnant to begin with). 

It's something that so many women experience, yet is hardly ever talked about.  That's changing somewhat-- the aforementioned (or aforelinked?) bloggers are changing that stigma.  And I completely understand that for many, if not most, women it's just be too painful to have to relay the dreadful news over and over to people who ask about their pregnancy, if the news was revealed "too early." 

But reading about the experiences of these women, I also felt ill thinking of all the women who've gone through such despair and turmoil, mourning the loss of their would-be child, without ever telling anyone.  Having to suffer alone, in silence.  When a friend or family member, or heck even a pet, dies, loved ones flock in to provide support.  But a pregnancy ending is treated as a dirty little secret.  Does that make any sense?

I'm grateful not to have had personal experience wit hthis, so I also may just not understand.  With D, we told a small group of close family and friends pretty early on (6-8weeks) and told everyone else at about 10 weeks, after our 2nd ultrasound confirming that everything was going well.  I wonder what we'll do next time, when it's time to give D a sibling.

What are your thoughts?

Last night Zach and I were talking about this whole issue of gay marriage.  It seems those against it seem to be ok with giving all the same rights under the law, as "civil unions."  Now, this seems rather silly to me, and if I were gay and told I couldn't "marry" the love of my life I'd be damn well pissed.  To me, there's a huge difference between being able to say "I'm married" and "I'm...  " wait, what's the proper term anyway?  Civilly unified?  Unified civilly?  Joined by civil union?  Which just kinda helps emphasize my point.

At the same time, though (and by this I don't mean to in any way belittle the fight of homosexuals to gain full access to this right), it all kinda comes down to semantics.  And if it were me, I wouldn't bother using the "right terminology."  There might be a piece of paper that says "Civil Union" on it rather than "Marriage License" but I'd still say it was my wedding.  That this is my spouse/wife/husband, that we are married, etc.  Really. the only people using the term "civil union" would be those against gay marriage. 

The biggest battle is making sure that all the legal protections ARE the same, across the nation.  That goes not only for things like property rights, tax breaks, being able to stay at the hospital with your spouse, etc, but also for adoption, parental rights, etc should the couple have children.  EVERYTHING needs to be equal, in every state.  After that we could just let the anti-gay marriage lobbies think they won, and just use the word "marriage," anyway.  The anti-gay marriage laws in the books would just become obsolete, a thing for random trivia emails, as everyone would be used to just accepting gay marriage as a fact of life.  The "civil union" part of it would be a mere technicality.